Omegle chats

[Yarok]

[Smythe]

Yarok win.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hi
Stranger: boobs.
Stranger: or gtfo.
You: D: well fine
Stranger: ACTUALLY NO
Stranger: Don't leave me please
Stranger: I am sorry.
Stranger: MY other head took over
You: yeah
You: the head
You: that's down your pants
Stranger: No the one that is on my neck. Duh.
You: i doubt it
Stranger: Please give me another chance!
Stranger: I love you too much to lose you again!
You: I'm sorry! i don't know if i can do this! i've met..... another man
Stranger: No it doesn't have to be this way though!
Stranger: I will be better this time!
Stranger: I promise!
You: But he's just so... manly! something you could never be for me!
Stranger: And you know me
You: Always apologizing, always being sorry for yourself
Stranger: I never make promises that I can't keep.
You: it's like you're not even a real man!
You: I don't know any more
Stranger: I can be more manly if that is what you want.
You: Nobody can be more manly than him
Stranger: I am done being sorry, I will start that RIGHT now.
You: Oh
Stranger: I will show him who is manly.
Stranger: Who is he, what is this man's name?
You: well fuck you then, thinking you can just walk around me without saying sorry!
You: spitting on me
You: you're horrid
Stranger: I woul never do such a thing you know that!
You: Oh here we go again
You: with the sorry
Stranger: I love you too much. I regret saying that, please forgive me.
You: Oh now you're begging for forgiveness?
Stranger: WOW just like awoman to never make up her mind
Stranger: Sorry is too much and yet you don't want me to say it?
Stranger: Ridiculous.
You: Hey don't be so rude
Stranger: Sorry.
You: Jesus now with the Sorry again!
You: Come on
Stranger: Fine go to that other man.
You: i'm only a woman! you must know what to say!
Stranger: Obviously I am not enough.
Stranger: You know sweetie..
Stranger: I love you so much.
Stranger: And I would never do anything to hurt you.
Stranger: I just want what makes you happy.
Stranger: And
You: Then why treat me like this?
Stranger: if he makes you happy..
Stranger: Then go to him.
Stranger: By all means.
Stranger: Just be happy.
Stranger: PLease.
Stranger: I am not the kind of man you need in your life.
You: Oh here you go, "Oh it's fiiiiinee go with him i don't caaaree" you don't want me to be with him and you know it!
You: You two faced asshole!
Stranger: I care very much.
Stranger: It hurts me to say this you know!
You: you can't choose what you want~!
Stranger: I want YOU
You: jesus! i mean some men
You: just can't make up their minds
Stranger: to be happ.
You: it's disgusting
Stranger: *happy
Stranger: And if you aren't happy with me
Stranger: then go with who does make you happy.
You: i am happy with you and i want to be with you forever
Stranger: Really?
Stranger: Do you mean it?
Stranger: ???
You: But it's not my fault you're a girlyman
You: you are a fancy-lad
You: you are fancy and you are a lad
You: i just
You: love him
Stranger: Is that okay? I will change if that makes you happier?
You: it's just because he has a cock that smells of roses
Stranger: What makes you love him so?
You: now
You: if you can't do taht
You: how can you say you love me?
Stranger: I will fap with the best of the best rose smelling perfume.
Stranger: Just so mine can smell rosey like his.
You: He Speaks to me softly "Look at your man, now back to me" and i knew i had to have him
Stranger: If that is what you want.
Stranger: This man.. Does he perhaps have a horse?
You: He's so manly he can ride it backwards
Stranger: Does he change things into diamonds?
You: he gives me diamonds, he picks them from the best oysters
Stranger: If so, then I wouldn't blame you for leaving me for this man.
You: we go to that thing i love all the time
Stranger: He makes even the manliest of men seem like girlymen.
You: He is Isiah Musfafa
You: and i love him
You: with all my heart and more
Stranger: Go my love
You: like seriously i love him with my heart, and like 6 other peoples hearts
Stranger: do what you must to be with this man.
Stranger: I will always love you
You: i'll have to kill another 6 to make 12......
Stranger: but if you truly love him then go.
You: so i can love him more
You: yes
You: yes this will do
Stranger: I love you so much I would kill those 6 people for you.
You: I wish to see you once more though
You: please
You: meet me at the barbeque in the park
Stranger: As you wish.
You: also can you do something for me right now?
Stranger: Of course my love.
Stranger: Anything.
You: lick your arm, i need to know if it's a sharp or a soft flavour..... no reason
Stranger: It tastes of roses.
You: Ok... so a red wine
You: to give
Stranger: Yes indeed.
You: a hard tone
You: on top of a very soft flavour
Stranger: Very nice mix if you ask me, dear.
You: very
You: also don't run here
You: because
Stranger: I shall bring some wine with me to the park if you would like.
You: your heart might beat a bit too much
Stranger: Yes?
You: yeah that'd be good
Stranger: Okay sounds good to me. I shall walk a very steady and slow pace.
You: thank you or drive
Stranger: So my heart doesn't beat too much
You: that'd be good
You: also can you bring a gag
You: and a note
You: about your suicide by heart gouging?
Stranger: I had that written many years ago, I have been preparing for this my whole life.
Stranger: It shall be done.
You: Good
You: also
You: prepare your anus, I'm coming home
Stranger: Oh really now?
You: yeah
Stranger: It is prepared.
You: i've upsized baby
You: so
You: add a bit of sauce this time
Stranger: But I must say, I have quite the surprise for you as well my love.
You: oh?
Stranger: Okay I have some sauce in the fridge. Microwave it again or want it cold this time?
You: uuuuuuhm..... warm please
Stranger: Okay I'll get it ready.
You: thank you my love
You: but
Stranger: How about bananas, should I get some of those out too?
You: I'm on a horse
You: Just get the diamond
You: s
Stranger: Okay I'll do that.
You: thanks
Stranger: No problem.
You: i don't ask for much, diamonds should be fine
Stranger: As you wish dear
Stranger: Anything else to make this night any morespecial to you love?
You: hmmm
You: like
You: a cradle of some kind
You: one with shiny lights
Stranger: By the way, when you get home, don't get freaked out when it is dark and you feel something in your neck from behind you. It's is all part of my little surprise
Stranger: Okay I shall get those too
You: thank you
You: got any velcro
You: ?
Stranger: Welcome
Stranger: Hmm lemme check really quick
You: ok
Stranger: Got some ;D
You: both sides?
Stranger: Mhmm
You: excellent
You: we'll need it
You: do you have all the ingredients?
Stranger: Of course. Except I didn't have any sugar left.
You: GOD DAMN IT
You: THE ONE THING
You: THIS IS ALL I EXPECT OF YOU
Stranger: But sweetie I am out getting it right now
You: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT
Stranger: I am at the register right now.
You: NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR EXCUSES
Stranger: I got it sweetie calm down. Please.
You: GOODBYE MARK
You: I WILL MISS YOU
Stranger: I just want this night to be happy for us both.
Stranger: Mark? My name is John..
You: FAREWELL JIM GOODBYE
You have disconnected.

Fuck yes i make a good woman impression.

[Yarok]

I forgot to state that that one I found somewhere. It isn't mine.

[Kayar]

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

You: I win.

Stranger: uuuuuuuuu loose.....i wiiiin

You: No, you spoke first. I win.

Stranger: u r a loooooooooooooooser

You: Nope, I just won again.

Stranger: no iiiiiiiiiii won

You: Not really. You broke the silence again, I win again.

Stranger: dafa hooo pagal

You: I win again.

Stranger: gadde u won i.....agreeee

You: And again too.

Stranger: kuttte kaminey marja kite ja ke

You: I don't speak that language. Also, I win again.

Stranger: ur english is also not much poor boy oh god.....

You: Y un otro vez yo gano.

Stranger: yaaaaa

You: And once again, I win.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

And I won in the end again. Man, he really failed, didn't he?

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: Greetings.

Stranger: for wat?

You: Chairs.

Stranger: for war

Stranger: hahaa

You: A worm is an antelope, sir.

Stranger: k

You: Do you have any spare pants?

You: You had better staple them to your nostrils, if so.

Stranger: i do hav

Stranger: but do u really need it

You: No, you are the one with the swines my friend.

You: Can you remove your ear from this typewriter and label it "sausages?"

Stranger: hahaaa u make so poor guesses dear

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Something was wrong here, I'm not sure what.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: Would you like to buy some Viagra?

You: Would you like me to shove swiss cheese up your nose?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Is that a no?

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: I can't find my genitals.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Well, okay, yes I can, but you can find them for me, right?

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: 10023

You: 32001

Stranger: anagrams!

Stranger: bananagrams!

You: Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog!

You: Palindromes!

Stranger: I dont like to eat two many elephants before I go to bed!

Stranger: grammar, spelling, and logic issues!

You: Schrodinger's Cat!

Stranger: Experimentation!

You: Panda: Eats shoots and leaves.

Stranger: Discourteous!

You: Not being asked if you want a bag for the things you are buying!

Stranger: Let me guess you are a Male... 23... from Lubbock Texas

You: Nope. 3 years younger, MA.

Stranger: ah so you're a Masshole

You: Need I say anything about Texas?

Stranger: all due respect...

Stranger: you needn't

You: I won't.

Stranger: those unlucky fucks

You: Lol.

You: So you aren't from Texas.

You: You were simply guessing at my location.

Stranger: Nope, I once knew a very nice jewish girl from Lubbock though

Stranger: yep

You: If alternate realities exist for each possible outcome of a situation, do alternate realities exist for entirely fictitious worlds we come up with?

Stranger: They must

You: Then again, my phrasing of that causes a paradox, since then they can no longer be "entirely fictitous."

Stranger: Ah, but they could. If in the alternate "real" reality you create a very similar yet slightly different fictitious world it would then be an alternate reality for said fictitious world

You: True.

Stranger: Time and reality pardoxen (my plural form, but I will allow you to use it) are fun

You: Wait, lemme check something... Hillary Clinton is president for you right now too, right?

Stranger: Who? It's been Supreme Commander Jimmy Carter as long as anyone can remember.

You: Damn, I've gone to the wrong reality, then! Farewell! If we have this conversation again tomorrow, then tell me to "execute operation x." Then find a bomb shelter, if you can.

You have disconnected.

Quickly! I have to save the presidents!

[Kayar]

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: im male !! 21 yrs. can we chat
You: Are you sure you are "male !!"?
You: I don't want proof, I just want you to make sure.
Stranger: ya why such doubt dear ??
You: I have heard there are deer biting off people's genitals in the area.
You: Have you been near the forests of Siberia lately?
You: No?
You: They have been seen as far south as Chile.
You: Do you speak Chilean?
Stranger: ya im male for 100 pecent male. im a trust worthy.. no i havnt been to that spot
You: Neither do I.
Stranger: i know english dear.
You: Do you know Martian?
You: Or Klingon?
Stranger: i know english, a bid french, hindi
You: Ow-Knay Atin-lay?
Stranger: that too not a good speaker of french !!
You: Porque tienes unos pantolones en tu cabeza y pinguinos?
You: Quieres una casa en Argentina?
Stranger: hey im learing french . completely unware of these statements . im on the training level.
Stranger: i wanna be your good friend. shall we be??
You: Don't attempt to learn Spanish then.
You: Yes. Let's be friends. Do you have your friendship ring?
You: Fit it over your scrotum like so...
Stranger: ya facebook !!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have disconnected.

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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: boobs?
You: Yes. Billions of them. I have ten stuck to my abdomen.
Stranger: ahahaha
You: It's very comfortable. But, there's also a chicken leg prodding me.
Stranger: u're an allien
You: Once, but now I am lost.
You: Some day I might find my way back to the toilet, but until then I will hold it in until I die of frostbite.
Stranger: where r u? may be i can help
You: Nigeria, Antelopes. And 20 Uranus.
Stranger: ^^
You: The year is 5033-2-BA6
You: Is this true?
You: IS THIS TRUE, SIR?
You: WHAT IS THE YEAR?
You: TIME
You: I NEED TO KNOW BEFORE THEY FIND ME
You: HURRY AND YOU MAY BE REWARDED WITH BOOBS
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hii_________m/f?
You: Do you have a six-foot-long flashlight?
You: Blinded by the light...
Stranger: 4 wat?
You: For eating soup.
You: Or shoving up a narwhal's anus.
Stranger: lol
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey you
You: Hey stranger.
Stranger: hi sweet cheeks
You: Oh wait, but YOU'RE you and I'M the stranger!
Stranger: im like soooo whateva u want
Stranger: me to be my love bug!
You: It all makes sense now, we are all secretly exactly the same person as everyone else!
Stranger: good
You: WE ARE A HIVE MIND!
Stranger: we are so more than
You: DON'T YOU GET IT?! THEY'VE BEEN TRICKING US ALL ALONG!
Stranger: thhat handsome
You: THE MATRIX IS REAL!
Stranger: a lil.. but im surre
You: I AM A BRONTOSAURUS!
Stranger: u can channge thhat! heehe
You: I... I can...? I can stop the evil plot?
Stranger: oh... ok
You: The Eagle has landed. The fat man walks alone.
Stranger: we shhould get toogethher than.. so we
Stranger: both wont be aloone
You: Wait, I'm receiving another message.
Stranger: mmm i like thaat hottie
You: The cheese is old and moldy.
Stranger: it is?
You: Only if you desire it to be.
Stranger: hehe if i??!
Stranger: i still want to tallk so add
Stranger: me on yaahoo if you
You: Do you have the microfilm?
Stranger: want Dianna_Vaillanc
You: We need to analyze the data. Decide who the prime suspects are.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

[draconic74]

In the one from Smythe at the top of the page I half expected a "WHY LISA? YOU ARE TEARING ME APART!"

[Smythe]

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hi
Stranger: any horny girl?
You: not on my watch boy
Stranger: u f?age?
You: i'm 17
You: You probably thought i was female..... Nope! Chuck Testa

[draconic74]

WAITWAITWaitwaitwait... Wait.

YOU CAN WRITE QUESTIONS AND WATCH PEOPLE ANSWER THEM? WHY DID I NOT KNOW OF THIS?

[Excend]

Because you're incapable of carrying on a conversation for more than a minute?

[draconic74]

I don't know what you're OH LOOK A BUTTON


Aha. Ha. Ha. Ha
How am I supposed to carry on a conversation for more then a minute on a forum anyway. Normal posts are about 5 seconds worth of reading, and posted hours apart.

[tokage]

I don't know what you're OH LOOK A BUTTON


Aha. Ha. Ha. Ha
How am I supposed to carry on a conversation for more then a minute on a forum anyway. Normal posts are about 5 seconds worth of reading, and posted hours apart.

Therefore, a two minute conversation on a forum takes 2 days!

[draconic74]

Depends entirely on how fast a thread moves, but yeah... Hell, lets give each post a generous ten seconds. That's twelve posts for a two minute conversation. We are almost halfway there in this case. STOP TALKING SO FAST!

[tokage]

I CAN'T HELP IT THEY'RE IN MY BRAIN.

[draconic74]

I CAN'T HELP IT THEY'RE IN MY BRAIN.

Use that as an opening to an Omegle chat.

[Kayar]

Done and done.

Code: Select all

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I CAN'T HELP IT THEY'RE IN MY BRAIN.
Stranger: OH
Stranger: ok then
Stranger: :D
You: DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THEM?
Stranger: No, I don't, as a matter o fact
You: THEY HAVE TO GET OUT THEY HAVE TO GET OUT!
Stranger: Hmm then why don't u let em out?
You: That is impossible... they will not listen. They speak without ears.
You: THE SCREAMING, OH HELL, NO, GET OUT GET OUT NOW!!!!
You: AAAAAH!!!
Stranger: hmm...that...is an issue
Stranger: so they cant hear themselves screamin in your head
Stranger: llol
You: No... but they know. Oh, they know...
Stranger: :( I'm sorry. It must suck to have them screamin in your head
You: The worst part is what they say to me... when they aren't screaming...
You: "You will kill them tomorrow," they assure me. "You will never know a worse pain."
You: Do they speak to you too?
Stranger: Nope. Well. I will leave you to your ...voices. I will take my leave to go have a sane convo with someone
Stranger: :D
Stranger: Nice talking to ya
You: I AM SANE!!!
You: I AM!!!
Stranger: ..
Stranger: k
Stranger: first
Stranger: no caps
Stranger: -__-
Stranger: pleas
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

But... but they tell me, "Caps lock is cruise control for cool," and so I listen!